In the Name of Love

　 If you still don't know why your child doesn't like being with you or talking to you, then parents should reflect on whether they are always aggressive, critical, and constantly belittling their children.

　　I don't know how my parents' generation grew up, but I know I grew up constantly compared to "other people's children." Only those who have experienced it can understand that pain. For a time, I even hated myself—why was I still alive in this world, surrounded by people who didn't approve of me? Perhaps, in my parents' eyes, I was never a good daughter, because all I heard was their criticism and disdain. Such comments include: "Other people's children can get into the best high schools, why can't you? You're a coward! You've disgraced our family!" "I raised you with so much hardship, supported your education, and now you're out working and have money to support yourself, spending your entire monthly salary on rent to live a good life, neglecting us. What's the point of raising you all these years?" "I really regret giving birth to such a good-for-nothing. After all these years of schooling, did the school teach you to talk back to me? Look at other people's children, none of them dare to talk back to their parents!" "You say you don't want to live in the staff dormitory because it's crowded, noisy, and messy. Why can everyone else live there perfectly well, but you're so picky? With your meager salary, you want to rent a place on your own? Is it just a waste of every penny you earn?" "You think you can just abandon us after spending a month's salary?" "You're incredibly selfish, only thinking of yourself and never others. Look around the village, which girl doesn't listen to her parents, get married through arranged marriages, and have children? You think the men others introduce you to are bad? Well, let's see what kind of good life you can afford with the man you find! Just you wait!" "What? You studied nursing for years but don't want to be a nurse? Then all my money was wasted! What else can you do if you don't become a nurse? You're so stupid, what can you possibly learn?" "Who am I working so hard for? You're all so useless in school. Is it really that hard to get first place? Is the person who gets first place a genius? Only you guys are this stupid!" These kinds of words often echoed in my mind. In my parents' eyes, I had never brought them any joy; all the pressure and misfortune were brought by me. I was the jinx of the family.

　　Therefore, I once thought I was living a terrible life, unable to find meaning in my existence, and even wanted to experience death. Unfortunately, I was too cowardly to do it to myself, so I've been surviving until now. After graduating from university, I've become more and more enlightened. In this world, no one can be your safe haven; you must be strong on your own. There are plenty of people waiting for you to share their pain, so don't be too kind. In six months in the workplace, I've seen senior employees who love to tattle, shirk responsibility, steal credit, and bully newcomers, as well as bitter and sarcastic leaders who treat employees like slaves. That place is filled with jealousy, narrow-mindedness, and mockery. No matter what decision you make, few people will genuinely wish you well; most will hope you end up homeless and never recover.

　　There's a saying: "If you feel you don't want to stay in a certain place, then try to leave it. If you don't try, then you deserve to suffer that pain." Fortunately, leaving the place that taught me about the unspoken rules of the workplace didn't require me to pay a heavy price. I left gracefully, giving them a big surprise. Later, they all hypocritically asked me what job I found, how the salary was, and why I suddenly resigned. I politely thanked them for their concern and then told them I'd found a good job—close to home, with good pay—so that their jealous hearts wouldn't be tormented.

　　I've suffered enough hardship since childhood; I'm going to love myself properly for the rest of my life. I've never liked asking anything of anyone; I want everything I want to earn through my own efforts. I want to live with my head held high, not be trampled on by others because of money.

　　In other people's eyes, the real me might seem like a madman, relentlessly pursuing freedom and independence. I could live an easier life by bowing my head slightly, but I choose to hold my head high and face those harsh criticisms.

　　Actually, I just don't understand why, when life is already so tiring, I should still wrong myself. I'd rather live a self-sufficient, austere life than live in a seemingly glamorous prison.