It's better not to meet than to meet; it's better to have feelings than to have no feelings.

I thought that having grown up and experienced so much, I would have more insights into how to deal with many problems. But when others ask me if I still want to be with you, I still have no answer. It seems that you taught me my first lesson in love. Although the process was arduous and the result was not satisfactory, it is my most unforgettable past. I have even thought more than once about what life would be like if we got back together. You would ride your electric bike with me through the traffic. We would eat hot pot together, watch movies, go shopping, play shooting games in the square, listen to our favorite music together, read books together, take a walk hand in hand in the evening, and kiss me while I'm snoring in bed when you leave for work in the morning. We would share a toothbrush, and maybe even blow-dry each other's hair. We were each other's confidants at night, sharing our deepest feelings. We were passionate yet reserved; so many scenes of this have played out in my mind and often appear in my dreams. I once thought I had found the person I would spend my life with. We would hold each other's hands tightly and face life's hardships together. But we overlooked the many trivialities of life, ignored the disapproving looks of those around us, and disregarded the traditional feudalistic thinking instilled in our parents by five thousand years of Chinese civilization. In the world of love we built together, we recklessly charged forward, enjoying the walled city-like life we had created, avoiding all real-world problems that were detrimental to our relationship, forgetting that these problems would fade with time. One by one, these issues were exposed, and even emotions are eventually tainted by worldly concerns. These problems we avoided back then came crashing down on us as we entered society, leaving me no time to process them. I was at a loss when faced with them. Were we willing to risk going against the desperate opposition of our elders? Were we willing to be the steadfast Ali Baba, knowing there were forty thieves among them? Were we willing to give everything without considering gains or losses? We were able to forge ahead on a thorny path, becoming each other's strong support, completely surrendering ourselves to one another? Now it seems that in avoiding these problems, the future ceased to exist. Back then, I didn't believe we could break through the shackles of worldly conventions, nor did I believe... To face the opposition from our elders with unwavering resolve, at this awkward age, how could we possibly cope with everything? The inevitable result was separation. To escape this, I chose to end it with a cold war, losing all contact. My family was naturally happy, and I returned to my normal life. No one asked me if I suffered when making this choice, whether I was healthy from waking up until dawn, or whether I felt repressed and restrained when life became dull. Regardless of my situation, they were happy, and happy for me, because in their eyes, I had become that obedient child again. I understand that missing out is a lifelong mistake, but I also know clearly that I cannot sever family ties for love, and how can I single-handedly withstand a thousand armies… Deep affection, shallow fate, love beyond reach.