Reflections on reading "Wild"

After finishing "Wilderness," I became completely absorbed in the story of Jiang Cheng and Gu Fei. This was the first time I'd experienced this while reading novels in all my years. At 12:14 AM, I felt incredibly uneasy. It was a completely unfamiliar emotion that had been troubling me. I even wondered if I had mild depression, or perhaps just anxiety. I felt terrified and lost; I didn't know what I wanted to do.

I had set a goal to go to bed at 11 PM, and after a week of sticking to it, it all crumbled when I encountered Jiang Cheng and Gu Fei. After finishing the finale at 10 PM, I frantically searched for the sequel on my browser, but to no avail. Unwilling to give up, I listened to the radio drama. By 11 PM, I was so sleepy I was crying, but I still hadn't taken off my headphones to listen to the radio drama, nor had I been able to bring myself to turn off my phone. At 11:30 PM, I searched my browser for a series of texts and images related to them. Like a middle school student obsessively following a celebrity, I changed my wallpaper, profile picture, and chat background. I don't even know the meaning of doing all this, but I feel uneasy, as if something is missing. I feel they shouldn't leave my readers' world with the novel's ending. I keep telling myself it's just a novel, a fictional story, and of course, two fictional characters. Ironically, I've been searching, going through every actor I know, hoping to find someone who fits their description, but ultimately to no avail.

Perhaps to remember my absurd behavior tonight, or perhaps to calm myself down through writing, I've written this piece—a nonsensical piece, but it's my truest feeling right now.