Do you know I like you?

　　I don't know why, but I'm in a particularly bad mood today. I don't want to do anything, and it feels like I've suddenly lost all direction in life. It's really depressing.
　　When I stopped to think about it seriously, I realized it was because of someone I like. I'm so pathetic; if I don't contact them, I unconsciously start looking for similarities between them and you. Some have similar noses, as straight and prominent as yours; others have similar facial features, and I can't help but look at them a few more times.
　　I remember once when I went to a calligraphy club, I saw a junior student who looked a lot like you. I'm nearsighted, and I wasn't wearing my glasses that day, so I couldn't see clearly, but I rubbed my eyes hard, hoping to find more similarities between him and you. Isn't that silly? Sometimes I think that way too. The day before yesterday, I couldn't bear missing you anymore. I wanted to see your face, hear your voice, and even fantasize about feeling your presence through the cold screen. So, I tried to get you to open a video chat on QQ under the pretext of asking for your help, but deep down I was afraid of your rejection, or that you'd think I was interested in you. My pride is too strong, too sensitive, and too insecure. I don't dare express my feelings to you because I've always felt insecure about my figure—I'm a bit overweight, and even my appearance makes me feel inferior. I have a large, flat nose. This has made me a sensitive and insecure person. I don't dare express my feelings to you, afraid that you will distance yourself from me, or even laugh at me. I know you won't, but what about the people who know us? Will they say I'm a toad trying to eat swan meat? I don't dare; I have too many concerns.
　　Every time I chat with you, I always look for an opportunity to video chat, so I always put on makeup beforehand, but I've never succeeded! I'm very disappointed, but sometimes I think, yes! We're in different cities, different universities, and even different majors; the gap between us is widening. I remember the second time we video chatted after graduation; you were playing games, and I needed to find topics to talk about, but I'm not good at expressing myself. My life is filled with English and homework all day long, and I'm afraid you'll dislike these kinds of topics, but somehow, these are the things that come out of my mouth. You don't like studying, so why would you be interested in these kinds of topics? I could sense your impatience from your expression, yet I couldn't suppress my longing for you, and hesitated to say goodbye. An awkward silence crept in, and I had no choice but to end the video call. But after the screen went dark, I felt terrible, like I wanted to cry. That night, I couldn't sleep! I'm in
　　a bad mood today, perhaps because I didn't get to hear your voice, see how you've changed. I didn't achieve my goal of video chatting with you, I couldn't express my longing.
　　It's been over a year since I started university! But my feelings for you have lasted a full four and a half years! I know you're narcissistic, playful, don't like studying, and aren't particularly outstanding. To be honest, I don't know if my feelings for you are because of your looks. You're very handsome, a little dark-skinned. Everyone appreciates beauty. When I first met you, I was seventeen. That day you were wearing a red jacket with a black fur collar. You looked so handsome! My seat was by the aisle, and because there were so many people in the class, every time you walked by, you would knock my books over. Every time I bent down to pick them up with you, I would unconsciously blush, feeling that this was a godsend opportunity for me to get closer to you. But I never imagined it was because you liked my deskmate, a slender, fair-skinned girl, and wanted to get her attention. I was just a conduit. When I found out you wrote her love letters, I so wished I were the heroine of this story, but how could that be? I'm fat and dark-skinned; my only advantage is my grades.
　　After the class division, we were in the same class. The girl you liked broke up with you and chose science. Because I was first in humanities, you glanced at me a few more times when the teacher introduced me, so I studied hard and consistently maintained my top grades.
　　The teacher implemented a "good student helps bad student" learning model, and you sat behind me. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep for several nights, and even when I did, I dreamed about you. But unfortunately, I was never able to become true friends with you. During the time
　　you went to take the art exam, my grades dropped, and the teacher blamed it on my grades. Only I knew that once you left, it felt like I lost my direction. When you came back, you seemed out of place in our class. You seemed quite melancholic. One day, I couldn't hold back anymore and, using my past role as your deskmate, I reached out to you to express my concern. You replied, and even though it was through a screen, I was incredibly excited.
　　By chance, we became "deskmates" across the hallway. I used this opportunity to become friends with you. When classmates joked about us, I pretended to be angry, but inside I was thrilled, secretly observing your expression. You were disappointed, and you were angry too. Living
　　in different cities, even different provinces, we contacted each other less and less. Sometimes I wonder if I can't forget you because I haven't found the right person. But thinking back, I realize that the right person also has a bit of you in them—either as outgoing as you or as handsome as you. I'm sorry
　　, even after all this time, I still like you very much!